Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
