It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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