Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
it's like iHOP with fire
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
