Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I need to calm my uterus...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
