we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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