She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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