Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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