I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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