Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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