Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
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whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
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On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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