ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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