omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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