Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
