Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
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He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
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I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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