At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
