he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
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He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
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Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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