how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
