my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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