i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
