If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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