Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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