Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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