I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
this will be a night to untag.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
