I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
