someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
