My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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