Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
