she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
