Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
a search helicopter?!
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
