I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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