I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
