Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
