How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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