Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
