:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
