Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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