I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Success! We fucked roommates!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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