last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
