Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I believe in your delicious
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
