I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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