Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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