just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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