i permit you to call me
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
