i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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