I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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