Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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