you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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