Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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