Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
