Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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