Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
