well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
