I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
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At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm just crazy horny about you
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You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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