you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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