If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
