My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
