it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
