I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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