yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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