I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
